Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
