It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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