i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
