at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Even the bartender felt bad for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
