took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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