cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
