i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
