I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
