I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
