She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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