Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
