So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
