I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this boner is exhausting
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
