I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
