hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
