I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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