A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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