i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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