from now on my penis is your penis
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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