So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
