Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
