Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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