So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
