is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
