when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
