i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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