he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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