alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
