After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize