We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
