My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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