Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
