I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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