you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
