i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
