and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
