I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
