Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
