doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
