Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
