just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
