so explain again why im purple
no
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
