i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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