My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
