I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
