I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Two words: blizzard sex
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
