oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
