I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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