you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need moral support for this bender
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
