eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
