shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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