can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
