I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
