sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
