McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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