Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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