so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
