I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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