i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
