A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
