So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
