it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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