I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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