im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize